jesswill

Awesome buddies! Sorry to all for not keeping up with my daily boosters… by now I think most of you read my post from the weekend and know what we’re dealing with here. I saw the neurologist on Monday who confirmed all the tests and is referring me to an MS Specialist. I have had a constant feeling of nausea (not because I’m sick, just still in shock I guess)— needless to say, I’ve lost a couple pounds!!

Ironically, I started back to work this week after 7 years of staying home with the kids. I’m an RN and I spent the last few days in hospital orientation, then I start work on Friday. Talk about crappy timing! It’s a huge hospital though and I’m working on the IV Team, so I’ll be running the halls for 8 hours straight, and I bet will lose a few pounds there too.. I just need more stamina..

 Anyway gals, I just wanted to say that though I haven’t been online much, and haven’t quite known what to say, I am grateful to all for your words of support and encouragement. I think you all rock and I am proud for all your accomplishments. Keep working hard, keeping loving yourselves, and keep in touch.

Jess

To my dear sweet buddies that sent me boosters this past week, thank you! Every couple days I was able to get up and read them. I’m back on two feet again, not ready to exercise though. We received lab results on Friday and the diagnosis is MS. It’s a tough one because my father has battled MS for 25 years and is completely disabled, dependent for care, feeding tube, etc. I don’t think it’s quite sunken in yet.

Once we have processed all of this, I definitely have a new, far more serious motivation to lose weight. I need to be as light and as strong as possible… I have seen how lack of upper body strength has made it difficult for my dad to help move himself during assisted transfers. So I’m not going to waste time.. I would like to think that it will never come to that, but the truth about MS is that it’s an uncertain path.

So bare with me everyone. I’ll get my motivation back soon and I will continue cheering all of you on. I know I didn’t send boosters, but I thought of all of you this past week.

Keep the faith!

Jess

Hey girls… for those who have been following, you know I had the LP on Friday. It didn’t go so smoothly and yesterday hubby had to rush me to ER (spinal headache). They did an epidural blood patch– took blood from my arm and injected it into the dural space to stop the CSF fluid from leaking. I have so much medication in me right now, I can barely see straight. I haven’t done anything even resembling exercise- and all I can keep down is tea and fruit. I feel so gross and flabby and weak (and bloated from IV fluids). Still waiting for MRI to be done and I’m so weak and sore. I am appealing for your prayers. I’m starting to feel scared and just have no one to talk to about it. I just want to be healthy. Waiting for results is the hardest part. Please, please keep your fingers crossed for me.

Jess

Hi friends-

I survived yesterday’s lumbar puncture but it wasn’t pleasant. There was a problem with placement of the needle and numbing, and I ended up with 5 lidocaine injections (should have been 1) and 4 needle sticks (first three hit the bone-gah!) My husband was allowed, after much persuasion) to be in the room. He couldn’t come near the table, but just knowing he was there and hearing his voice behind me was so comforting. The nurse was really kind. I did indeed spend all afternoon, evening, night, and part of today laying down. I feel pretty crummy though. My back is pretty sore and it will be several days before I can work out.

So to my buddies, you know I try to send booster notes to you all most days, but for this weekend, let this blog serve as a booster note for  you all (my time at the computer is limited). Have a fun weekend… let it be fun and not all stress about food and calories and exercise. Play with your kids, work on your gardens, love your hubbies, and enjoy your meals. Success for everyone!

I really honestly appreciate your kind words from yesterday. Isn’t it amazing how much love and support we send through this forum? I feel so lucky!

Good night,

Jess    p.s. oh! I changed my profile picture. Still haven’t got the courage to do a full length shot but wanted you to see that I’m always smiling when I’m on buddyslim.

Well I haven’t exactly been counting calories, but sure have lost my appetite the last couple of days (rare occurence). SO I am asking for good thoughts from my cyber friends today, as I am going in for a lumbar puncture this afternoon, and not feeling really excited about it. I’ll be flat on my back for the rest of the day/evening/night after. I figure I’ll finally get to catch up on some reading, but not sure if I’ll have my computer with me. Monday is my MRI…. and I’m choosing to post this here because we (husband and I) have decided not to talk to our friends/family here until we know something.. and it’s really hard to not say anything and thus not feel support. Since I know you caring sweet people will ask… I’ve had migraines for a long time, but now a host of new, odd, neurological symptoms, and my doctor is now considering some very unpleasent diagnoses. Let’s hope not….

Anyway, everyone keep up the faith today. Be gentle on yourselves diet buddies– you are all doing such a great job and I love all the booster notes.

*fingers crossed*

Jess

…who has stood on the scale in the morning, saw the result, and thought (with all my heart) “please let me be getting my period… please let me be getting my period…”

Surely that’s why the number has gone up. Right? I mean with all that gardening….

Yesterday I was sore, today I am hobbling around like an old lady, a VERY old lady. Every last muscle, my rib cage, my hands, my lower back, and don’t get me started on my hamstrings….. I have spent a total of 8 or so hours gardening in the past 3 days. I didn’t feel like I was working that hard but geez… who needs the gym? Am I that out of shape (probably) or did I just not realize what I was doing? Needless to say, the yard looks very nice.

My point? (Pain!) No seriously, if you aren’t a gym kind-of girl, go outside and clean up your yard. Apparently it counts!!

Okay ladies… reading several of your posts today (and recent activities on the homefront) has prompted me to write this. Agree, disagree, it seems to be the truth.

Men don’t like it when we complain to them about the way we look. Your husband/fiance/boyfriend is not the one to complain about your “fat ass” to. They don’t like it, and they disagree anyway (even when we are right.) I am CONVINCED that they don’t see us the way we see ourselves, in which case, why do we try to convince them otherwise? I have an uber-fit husband with a miraculous body (jerk) and needless to say, he values heath and wellness highly. I happen to weigh more now than I ever have (except pregant/post-pregnant) and he is absolutely silly after me these days. He doesn’t see the cellulite, and I almost believe that he doesn’t see the back fat or belly roll either. How can that be? My clothes don’t fit the same (therefore I bought new ones), I don’t look the same at all. How can he not see it? Because he loves me for what is in my heart? Of course he does. But he also loves the outside packaging too and doesn’t view it in the negative way I do. Why do I keep trying to talk him into believing it’s worse than he thinks?

Anyway, my advice is, don’t do it. If he loves you as you are and never wants to see you smaller than a size 10, for heaven’s sake don’t point it out to him when you’re an 8 or a 12 (other anything else.) Let them love what they see. Complain to a GF, or on here. We need all the compliments we can get (however misguided they may seem!)

So easy to forget all my own revelations about loving myself as I am etc…. Really crappy couple of days ( not food-wise, just everything in general…) I am still eating well, but think (if it’s possible) I am eating too much fruit. I love it, and have a ton of fresh fruit in the house. I am using it when I have a sweet craving… because my mind sort of believes that a bowl of raspberries or a papaya can be a slice of apple pie… but am thinking maybe too much is adding up d/t the carbs? But it is natural sugar…. I’ve gained 3 lbs, back to 152lbs. I felt SO sickened when I stepped on the scale and looked at myself this morning. Where the hell have I gone? I don’t even know this body. I haven’t exercised at all, apart from my general busy-ness this week. It has been on my list everyday, but I still haven’t done it. I know that’s part of the problem.

There is no time like the present for me to get up and move my rear… but I just feel so crummy, it’s hard to get started. Blah…..

I generally have salad for lunch, and it’s always really big. I measure out the protein and dressing if I use it, but does it really matter how much lettuce/peppers/radish/cucumber/sprouts I have?

Thanks for your thoughts on this.

Jess